soon to be replaced by robots

We've got some brand spanking new combination ovens at work. They're pretty freaking Gucci. The more expensive model has got its own computer control panel, and is worth about $35,000. I bet a lot of people would be thinking, whoa, what's so good about a freaking oven that makes it the same price as a sweet new car? Or, why would anyone want to bother with a computer that's attached to an oven?


Because good cooks are hard to find. That, and it won't be too long until our entire mustering can be done by trained monkeys.

Seriously, the SelfCooking Center® is an utter smartarse. It's like the Hermione of ovens, and I'm sure once you've worked with them for long enough, going back to the old school combi where you have to choose from limited and archaic options such as steam or dry heat, time, and temperature, would be like returning to the dark ages.


Say you want to cook some bar snacks to fatten up the Officers on a weekday afternoon. You've trayed up some party pies, sausage rolls, mini pizzas, dim sims, and chicken satay meatballs. Trouble is, they all take slightly different times to actually cook, so it's a bit tricky to avoid overcooking one type of snack whilst undercooking another. Never fear, genius oven is here! Simply load up the trays into any of ten racks, and via the Finger Food menu options, set separate timers for each numbered rack. The computer will buzz and remind you when rack two, party pies are ready to roll, then once you have taken out that tray of tasty pastry, the internal thermostat will ensure the oven returns to its specified temperature before counting down the timers on the rest of the items inside.

Or perhaps you'd like to slow-cook a roast for the next day's lunch. Choose the type of meat from the menu, how quickly you'd like to roast (there is actually an overnight option), and the level of doneness for the meat. Stick the internal temperature probe into the meat once you've put the tray into the preheated oven (the computer will say when it's ready for the meat to go in), and the oven will take care of the rest. You can even choose to do roast with crackling, and once the core temperature reaches a certain point, the computer will crank up the temperature of the oven so that the crackling gets super crisp by the time the whole roast is ready.

Maybe you've got a couple trays of Cauliflower Mornay or Potato Au Gratin that you'd like to cook off. Back in the day, you'd have to blanch or steam your cauliflower or potato to partially cook it, then tray it up with the white sauce, cheese and/or breadcrumbs, then hope to bake it enough to get the cheese golden and melty without turning it brown or black. Now you can just choose from the Gratin menu, stick a probe in your cauliflower or potato, and the computer will know how long to steam/bake for, whilst also pumping up the dry heat in the last moments of cooking so that cheesy crust will be just right.

If you have a pasta choice coming up, you can actually put measured amounts of dry pasta, prepared sauce, and water into a gastronorm tray, immerse the internal temperature probe, and the combi will buzz you when it's ready to go. Ready to go onto the servery that is! Straight from oven to bain marie, without having to deal with the hassle of sticking a pot of water on the stove to heat up water and then cook pasta, then drain it off so it's ready for use. It's 2009, after all... why don't all commercial kitchens do away with such prehistoric means of cooking pasta!?

Say you're a bit of a control freak, and you're not 100% willing to relinquish control of your meal to software that has been developed by Germans (who no doubt wish to take over all of the world's cooking facilities, one combi oven at a time). You can still work in manual mode, and go into all sorts of menus to program your own cooking styles and save them on the oven's computer. Want to start off by steaming something at 75% humidity and 50 degrees, but finish off with a searing dry heat at 250 degrees? You can do it. It's like going into the source code of the cooking programs, and if something works well, you can even download it to a USB drive and transport your winning programs to another combi elsewhere. If you don't trust the autopilot, you can tool around with as many settings as you like. If you want to change messes and still insist on cooking quiches your way and no one else's, jam your masterpiece onto a USB key and show everyone else who's boss.

Maybe you have to be a bit of a geek as well as a not-too-precious chef to appreciate this sort of technology. The guy who was sent out to train us (madlove an oven that requires basic training, manuals, and a dvd included!) said that he used to work functions where he could get his produce in on a Tuesday. Then he'd prep it all on a Wednesday. Cook it and plate it up on a Thursday. Then blast chill it whilst the plates were loaded onto special trolleys. Pull it out of the freezer on the Friday, load it straight into the oven and stick it on the special reheat setting (the trolley is designed to fit into the oven whilst it is full of plates). Wait for the oven to bing, pull out the trolley and put a special thermal cover over it that can keep it at temperature for twenty minutes or so... which is the time it takes to heat up another trolley load. Work smarter, not harder! Pity you still have to rely on humans to actually take out the plates to customers at the function.

Luckily for us, there is still a need for human cooks, so that the right decisions can be made with the oven, and the right things are put on for meals. Some could argue that this takes the fun out of cooking, because so much of it is done automatically, but to be honest, I don't think anyone really sees checking temperatures and moisture content of food as the most enjoyable part of cooking. The other great thing is that the oven tracks temperatures and times for food that has been probed within it, so if someone decides that they've got food poisoning, we can actually pull up a record that says everything we've served has complied with HACCP standards.

I probably shouldn't be saying all this, because word might get out that the mysteries of cooking and getting things right with food have now been taken care of by a computer. The same ten year old that once knew how to program a VCR whilst their parents scratched their heads about how to get it to stop flashing 12:00? They're going to be smart enough to know how to cook a succulent steak, or a tray of perfect soft-poached eggs. You probably won't need Year Nine maths to be a cook any more, you'll just have to watch a DVD and be tall enough to shut the door.

I'm more awed than scared at the moment. Still, it's a good thing I'm looking into remustering in a couple of years. :)